Joshua Monument.....

Joshua 4:7 " and these stones shall be for a memorial unto the children of Israel for ever".

In 1998, I went through the Forgiven & Set Free Bible Study for post-abortive women and found much need and complete healing from my Father. Through that Bible Study, I was able to accept the loss of my children, grieve my children and give them a name. The study suggested memoralizing your child(ren) in your special way and I had always wanted to plant a tree.

I believe my children are in Heaven with Jesus, and are a boy, Zechariah and a girl, Hannah Grace. I had bricks made and this week, I finally planted that tree.

As I dug the hole, planted the tree, filled it in and put the rocks and then the bricks around the tree, I thought of my children in Heaven and the forgiveness that God so freely gave to me. I thought of how thankful I am that I will see my children one day and hold them in my arms. Oh what a wonderful day that will be!

Relationships on a string.....

I was thinking this morning about my relationship with God, it's just not where I want it to be, hasn't been in awhile. I've kept God at arm's length, always knowing he's there but only in cases of emergencies. Btw, I fixed that this morning, hopefully...me and my Father had a talk! :)

I also realized that that's how I treat my friendships too, I hold onto them by a string but don't nurture them the way I should. I have the desire to but I don't put the energy into it. I have amazing friends that are always there for me but I want more and they deserve more from me. I want to nurture my friendships and not worry about getting hurt; just give and receive! The way our Father intended it to be. He made us to be relational and we don't work well alone....

I will restore what the locusts have eaten....

We got the awesome news yesterday that Holly agreed to let Brandon get Hannah more....we get to spend more time with her. Woohoo! Praise the Lord. I know it's all because of Him.

As I was laying there thanking Him for what He's done, the court date (October 19th) came flooding in, flashing by like a tv show but with all the hurt. All the pain, the tears, the frustration, the helplessness, the hopelessness was all right back. I felt overwhelmed but only for a second...at first I thought it was satan reminding me but My Father God spoke to me and said I'm restoring what the locusts have stolen. I thought "hey, that's a scripture". lol
Joel 2:25 "I will restore to you the years that locusts have eaten". Thank you Jesus for the promise!

As I lay there, thinking about that day, I began to think about last year. I lost alot last year. I lost a job that I loved, a ministry that love, friendship, and my beautiful Grandma passed away. My God is a God of restoration, He will restore all that the locust has stolen from me!
Last year was a hard year but 2011 is my year, the year God is restoring what has been stolen from me! Praise His Name! I have been down but I am not out! Thank you Jesus for showing me Your Truth.

Snow 2011

It's snowing....it's so exciting just to see the white stuff falling from the sky. It just brings back so many memories and makes my heart sing. I feel like such a kid when the snow begins to fall. I love it! I think it's because we don't get snow very often so when we do, it's a wonderous sight. It's just awesome to look outside and pureness of the snow all over everything. It's such a marvelous work of God.
I can't wait til tomorrow when I can play outside with Ember and Hannah in it. I'll post pictures then.....Look at the snow, see God in it, and enjoy the sight! :)

Sick of me?????

I heard on the radio yesterday a commentary that asked the question "is God fed up with you?" well, no He's not; He doesn't get fed up with us. God may not be fed up with me but I am fed up with me. I get sooo tired of me sometimes. I want to make changes in my life and do things different but I continue doing the same things. Why do I do the things I hate? Determined to be different but don't know how. Father, I surrender all to you! All the things I do that I hate, I give them to you, only you can change me.

2010 in Review...

I can't believe this is the last day of 2010....where did the year go? It seems like just yesterday it was Spring. The time is definetely accelerated....
Started the year in Memphis, freezing my tail off at the Liberty Bowl, however Arkansas won. It was worth it! A new semester at JBU.
I began Nutrisystem in April and lost 25 lbs....:)
Went to Pine Bluff to visit my Grandma in May, the last time I got to talk to her in person. She passed away in September. Oh how I wish I'd spent more time with her.
I quit my job at PHC and focused all of my attention on school.
Hannah stayed with me all summer and then went to Preschool in August & I returned to school.
Never knew how much it'd hurt losing Grandma and that I'd miss her so much. She was such an important part of my life. I love you and miss you every day, Grandma!
We lost custody of Hannah and have fighting like crazy ever since to get her back.
Hannah and Ember both turned 3 this year!
Ashley announced she's expecting our 3rd grandbaby! Woohoo
We had an amazing Christmas with the family this year!
Now, it's the end of 2010, and we leave in 2 days for New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl. Beginning the new year the same way again, hopefully with a win. Go Hogs!

I've learned so much this year about holding on to family, friends and those you love! Losing my Grandma made me realize that you can't put off saying I love you! It's important.
I also learned that friendship is a valuable thing that I hold dear....God meant it that way. I don't ever want to throw anyone away because they don't measure up or because they mess up. God is the God of 2nd chances and we should forgive, no matter what it takes. I'm so glad I did. I'm also glad for the old friends God brought back in my life.
My family is amazing! I can always count on them to be there for me and I hope they know how much I love them!

His Love

Today my devotion was from 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance".

Love can be absolutely exhausting. Don't let anyone fool you. The kind of love that really makes a difference in this world will zap everything out of you.Sometimes you just don't feel like you have any more love to give.

While that's perfectly natural and perfectly human, it's not the high standard of love that God calls us to in the Bible. The Bible says, in 1 Corinthians 13:7, "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" (NLT). Love never gives up.

How can you have that kind of persistent love for another person? You get refueled. So do you. To show the kind of persistent love that God wants you to show, you have to refuel your love tank. Look around at society, and you'll see it's littered with debris from relationships that have crashed and burned because they didn't refuel their love.How do you refuel your love tank? You start by letting God love you. "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19 NIV).

When you're worn out, tired, and can't imagine showing love to anyone else, remember that God loved you so much he sent his Son to die for you.

Now that's real fuel. That's what keeps you going when you want to quit.

God is so good to us and His Love is amazing. His Love shows us how to love and because of His Love we can love others. I'm thankful for His Never-ending, always aweing Love for me.